*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or health professional of any kind. I’m sharing things that I have been taught that have helped me (or not). This is my experience.

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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Jennifer Lawrence talks about stigma at the Oscars


Jennifer stars in Silver Linings Playbook which is a movie about mental illness.  She won an Oscar for best actress and in the post-show interview she talks about the stigma surrounding mental illness.  After that she answers question as her hilarious charming self.  Watch the whole thing for a giggle.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Changes, Changes, Changes...


Just a heads up, I made some changes to the blog.  Hopefully it is more reader friendly now.  I moved the "Recommended Links" to it's own page and added some.  I also put up a page of quotes (mostly what I have posted on Facebook).  And, last but not least, I made a Tumblr page where I will be posting all of my entries on (just a copy of what I post on the original blog) so hopefully I can reach a bigger audience.  For now I only added this years' posts.  Check it out:  http://memoirsofaschizophrenic.tumblr.com/

Friday, February 22, 2013

Here We Go Again

I want to update you real quick about the symptoms I had in my last entry in January.  I was having hallucinations and anxiety at night that my psychiatrist didn't want to treat.  Since then the hallucinations have slowed to occasionally and the anxiety is gone.  Apparently the psychiatrist knew what he was talking about. Now, on to new issues.

For over a month I had been working out 5-6 days a week.  I did about 30 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of body weight toning exercises.  I was also tracking my calorie intake using an app on my phone and using a pedometer.  Today is day 5 of no exercise and no calorie tracking.  It's also day 4 of taking several "naps" a day and not putting on my pedometer.  Last night I realized I am slipping into depression.

This seems to happen easily when I get sick and I've had a sinus infection for some time.  I put off going to the doctor because I was hoping it would clear on it's own.  With a sinus infection my daily headaches are even worse and I start spending more time in bed.  Antibiotics always seem to make me feel drained and, while I argue with myself all day about it, I never seem to make it to the treadmill.  And I also have a hard time convincing myself to shower if I'm not soaked with sweat.  Ahh, lack of motivation.

Not only have I lost interest in my workout routine and healthy eating, I'm losing interest in cooking and finding new recipes.  The cleaning and housework I was doing automatically I am starting to dread the thought of doing them.  The only interest I really have is in going back to bed.

I find myself thinking about the relationships I don't have and everything that's wrong with me that will keep me from having them.  When I'm not depressed I am content with my introvert lifestyle.  My goal of losing weight and toning up was enough for me, until now.  I'm lonely and I find myself looking to movies and tv for comfort, which basically reminds me even further of the relationships I don't have.

I chose not to move to Cedar Rapids as I had planned because my financial situation just wasn't right.  Now I sit here thinking about all the things (or people) I could have had there.  Of course those thoughts are followed up by thoughts about how much energy it takes to have those things/people, not to mention the anxiety involved.  A lot of the time I don't even feel like texting anyone and I definitely don't feel like leaving the house.

I know my coping skills and writing here is one of them.  Check that off the list.  I know that working out makes me feel better if I can get over the mental battle.  Stopping isolation is a good one.  And not letting myself sleep all day.  Putting makeup on and doing my hair sometimes makes me feel better.  And focusing on something productive.  I am going to try to fight this by doing whatever I can to make myself feel better.  I hope I can keep from getting out of control.

What do you mean stroke?

I want to start by apologizing that it's been so long since my last entry.  I tried to write several times but I just couldn't put my thoughts together.  I'm going to do my best to remember everything I wanted to say.  So many things have happened in the last month.  I'm going to break it up into more than one entry so it's easier to read than one realllllly long entry.

About a week after my past entry I was sitting at home and I started having vision problems in my left eye.  There was a zigzag light and it was like I had a blind spot in my peripheral vision.  I tried calling the optometrist in town but it was a Saturday and the receptionist didn't know what for me to do.  My doctor's office has an emergency number on their voicemail to call, but no one called back when I left a message.  After about five minutes I went to stand up to go upstairs and my left leg wouldn't work.  I immediately started to freak out.  My dad was at work and I knew there was no way I could drive so I called 911.  They asked me a bunch of questions while they sent the ambulance.  And then they asked me if I'd ever had a stroke before.  I haven't but just the idea that I could be having one made me freak out even more.

When the ambulance got here they took my vitals and checked me out.  During that time I lost feeling in my left arm and the side of my face.  Once they heard my psych diagnosis they immediately asked me if there was anything going on in my life or with my mental illness that had upset me lately.  There wasn't.  They had me hold up my arms and turn them inward with my eyes closed.  My left arm came up but it didn't turn.

Once they got me in the ambulance they ran an EKG and put in a IV.  They gave me oxygen.  The 911 operated had called my dad for me and he showed up a few minutes before we left for the hospital.  They wouldn't let him ride along.  On the ride to the hospital I heard them on the radio saying I had stroke symptoms and to have the CT ready.

When we got there they rushed me to CT and a bunch of nurses and the doctor came in and they asked me a million questions.  After the CT they started running tests and having me do this and that.  The doctor looked me over and I tried to explain my diagnoses.  I explained the occipital neuralgia which causes me to have chronic headaches and migraines.  She asked me if I had a headache that day and I said yes and that I still had one.  I explained it was only on the right side and it wasn't like my normal migraines.  They gave me some pain medication and soon my body seemed to work better.  The doctor came in and said that they thought I was having a migraine with an aura but they wanted to check the CT results to make sure it wasn't a stroke.  Before then I had never had aura.

The CT results came back and everything looked good.  They gave me more pain medication and after about 20 minutes they discharged me.  They told me to be sure to see my family doctor and to give my neurologist a call.

I have since seen my family doctor who tried to help by changing my migraine prevention medication.  Unfortunately it didn't help and it dropped my blood pressure way too low.  I have an appointment at my neurologist's office on March 14.

I have had chronic headaches and migraines for a long time and they limit what I can do which really sucks.  Sometimes I try to just push through and do what I had planned anyway, which works sometimes, but mostly it just puts me in a really bad mood which ruins whatever I'm doing.  Now I worry that I will have an "aura" at a dangerous time, like when I'm driving or on the treadmill.  So far I haven't had another one and I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it won't happen again.