*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or health professional of any kind. I’m sharing things that I have been taught that have helped me (or not). This is my experience.

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Saturday, February 21, 2015

Sur-fucking-prise

So guess what?  I'm depressed.  Surprise, surprise.  Let me start by telling you why I shouldn't be...

I started school last month and after a slow start (D+ on my accounting test), I got some tutoring and am doing decent (B on my last accounting quiz).  I am keeping up.  I am spending time with my family.  I've been keeping up with my friend Nathan intermittently.  Life is decent.  I should be content.  And I'm depressed.

I'm getting extremely close to 200 pounds and my body is showing no signs of stopping there.  I've got new stretch marks to prove it.  It's been suggested that my Lyrica may be causing it.  With pain in my back from falling down the stairs I'm hesitant to try something else for my fibromyalgia.  Who knows what kind of pain I could be in then.

Nonetheless that shouldn't be enough to bring on the state I'm in.  I'm not depressed about my weight or my pain. I'm not happy about it but not sad either.  I'm depressed about nothing and everything at once.  I am exasperated by anxiety everyday and drained by lack of motivation constantly.  Sigh... 

I feel that this is a imbalance in my medication but I'm scared what will happen if they tinker with my meds.  I'm just as scared of what will happen if they don't.  All I can hope for is hope itself.