Just Not Right

My last entry was, well, let's be honest, it was too long.  So this time I'm gonna try to keep it short and try not to let so much time pass between entries.  I want to thank everyone who regularly reads this.  It helps chip away at that useless feeling I'm always fighting.

Anyway, I'm starting some somewhat new medication (Topamax) that may affect my thought process.  I took it for a couple years awhile back until it stopped working.  The migraine prevention medication I've been on for about a year now (propranolol) has stopped working so the neurologists suggested going back to the Topamax.  I don't remember it affecting my thinking back then but my memory isn't very reliable.  I do know it totally killed my appetite and all of my headaches.  I did find out that it could possibly increase my lithium level.  For the next couple weeks I'll be titrating onto the Topamax and off of the propranolol.  Wish me luck!

I mentioned in the last entry that I had been sick lately.  In the last three or four months I've been on antibiotics on four occasions and have only felt "well" a few weeks in there.  There were sinus infections, bronchitis, upper respiratory infections, and the stomach flu (no antibiotics, but sick nonetheless).  Now I'm back to having a sinus infection and I'm on my third kind of antibiotic for this infection alone.  Tomorrow I have to get a CT scan of my sinuses and my appointment with a specialist is two weeks away.  My glands are so swollen that turning my head hurts.  That and I am sooo exhausted.  I really can't wait for that ENT appointment.

I don't know if it's the sinus infection, but I've been feeling off kilter today.  I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye and when I turn, it's nothing.  When I was sitting in the drive through for the pharmacy I kept feeling I was rolling forward because it looked like the wall next to me was moving.  The van was in park, it was just my brain playing tricks on me.  I'm not sure what it is, but hopefully it lets up.

I'm worried about my family.  I haven't heard from my brothers lately and I know things aren't going the best right now.  I haven't really gotten ahold of them either because I haven't been feeling well.  When I did get ahold of my brother he didn't seem interested it talking.  I tried to explain about being sick but, maybe it was just me, he just didn't say much.  I just keep thinking I should be there with them to help them through this.  I've always wanted to be that person that people knew they can turn to, mostly because I know what it's like  not to have that person.  I guess we all have things we wish we could be that we don't have a choice in.