My depression is not your depression. Your depression is not my depression. My psychotic symptoms are not your psychotic symptoms and your psychotic symptoms are not mine. I think people forget this when giving advice because they're "been there". You have not "been there" because you are not me. I'm tired of the lectures about using my coping skills especially from people who don't even what they are. My coping skills are different than yours. I don't judge you by the way you handle the complications of your disease. Ok, lecture over...
I'm having trouble with my medication and side effects. My legs keep moving and they hurt. Right now I'm not on an antipsychotic so we can see if that particular med is causing the problem. Sometimes you just have to ride it out until we figure out what the hell is going on, not to mention what the hell to do.
I know it's been a really long time since a post and I can only say that I didn't feel like writing. For an update: I went into the hospital for two days and they lowered my dosages. I went to visit my grandma in the hospital and ended up with the flu for my birthday. Yay 27! Not really. Who really cares if you're 27? I'm not saying no one called or anything I'm just saying it's an uneventful point in (my) life. But back on topic... I got two tattoos; a pink and a blue teardrop behind my ear for the children I can't have, and the words "me too" on just below my collar bone as a reminder that we are not alone. No one really knows how you feel but there are other people struggling for sure and when people are having a hard time "me too" can go a long way. I can't wait to get another tattoo. My mom had her gallbladder taken out so I went and stayed with her a couple of days. She's scheduled for two more unrelated surgeries soon so I'll be back at her place soon. I think that sums it up.
I'm lonely, no doubt due to the depression that's eating at me. Spending a week and a half in bed when I have the flu really hit me hard. No social interaction, staying inside (not that I normally go outside much) and just feeling god awful. I've continuing to spend time in bed partially because of the depression and partially because my legs hurt. I have to keep reminding myself the analogy he tells me, that mental health is like turning a big truck, it's a slow process. I think everyone who has ever had a mental issue knows it's true. You're always waiting for something; your psychiatrist to call you back, your meds to start working, you therapist to schedule with you. I know I've said this before but I feel like I'm treading water and my arms are starting get tired.
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