School, Pain, and Life

I thought I'd write a little update today about my feels and such.  I'm not sure if I've blogged this yet (and I'm too lazy to go back and check) but I enrolled in classes.  That's right:  I'm going back to school at a local community college.  I'm taking Public Speaking for a month starting next week.  I'm taking four classes in the fall.  My major is (dun da na na) Pre-Pharmacy.  Medication (for obvious reasons) is a big interest of mine and I can't be a doctor so I might as well know what there is to know about what I (and others) am putting in my body.

I have two years of coursework before I can take the PCAT and apply to the College of Pharmacy.  By then I think I will know if I can handle moving away and keep up with PharmD program and if I want to do research or consumer work.  Of course if I do decide I can handle it I have to be one out of 100ish that gets selected from a pool of over 500 students.  The good news is that if I make it through the College of Pharmacy that their placement rate has been around 100% for years.  That's right:  I will have a job.  If I'm not accepted right away I can still transfer to the university and get a bachelors degree in something related, like biochemistry, and try again in two years.

All of this is scary because I'm afraid I'll lose my mind and quit school yet again.  I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time but time is moving so slowly.  If I'm going to fail I want to go ahead and do it already.  I can't lay here forever waiting for something to fall in my lap anymore.  I'm 27 years old.  I mean, come on, I'M 27 YEARS OLD.  But, as I keep reminding myself, I can't compare myself to what I thought I would have done by now because I'm not the person I thought I would be.  I just know I have to start moving toward a goal again or I will end up in placement again and I can't handle that.

While I'm trying to wrap my head around school and moving when I finish my degree and financial aid...well, you get the picture...I'm having problems with pain again.  My legs, back, shoulders, and hands hurt inexplicably.  I'm taking muscle relaxers 24/7 and it's helping.  I'm trying to get into habits my doctor recommended that usually help people with fibromyalgia; healthy diet, exercise 20 minutes a day, go back to physical therapy, and do warm water therapy.  I have physical therapy tomorrow and they should give me the exercises for warm water therapy and the rest, well, I'm working on it.  Being in pain all the time doesn't help my moods and I've been rapid cycling like crazy.  Two separate nights last week I stayed up all night long doing nothing.

My dad's six month cancer check up came out great, no signs of cancer.  Unfortunately his father is dying of lung cancer.  My brother is having a hard time because he and is girlfriend just broke up and he's not able to see her son.  He also has nowhere to live but just started a new job and he is optimistic he will on his feet again soon.

That is my life right now.  Updates soon to follow.