So I promised another section for my last blog entry and here it is. This is going to be about my friends and family so some names could be changed (or not) to keep them happy.
I had a relationship with this guy for a good amount of time, somewhere around a year. We'll call him Bert. Bert and I broke up because instead of telling me he wanted to spend more time with me at home he just didn't call me. I noticed I had always been calling him so I waited two days and no call from Bert, so I ended it. It sounds small but it felt really big at the time. He didn't argue with me he just said ok and we were over. I didn't really want the relationship to end but I didn't feel he was putting in his half of the bargain.
Fast forward a few years and Bert contacts me on fb, ends up telling me he still loved me and tried to explain away why he didn't fight for me. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. He said that I was always at a friends house and he couldn't read my emotions. I simply said I expected him to be an adult and talk about what's bothering him. We talked for a few days but I got depressed and didn't keep up the "relationship".
Fast forward a year or so and I'm in the hospital, one where you can have your cell phone. I'm lonely so I text him and we talk for a little while then sext for awhile (no pics just texts) and then he just stops talking to me. He knew I was in the hospital for suicidal ideation.
Fast forward a year later (I know this should be over by now because who puts up with that but the story continues) he starts talking to me on fb again with all the I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry. We talk for about a week and he just stops talking to me. No explanation, just stops. No answering my text or calls, or anything.
A few days later I was in the city he lives in visiting family and I text him to let him know I was in town. Finally he wants to talk. He says he's been depressed and shut everyone, even his son, out. I believe him, go over to his place, we have sex twice. We talk and things seem great. I leave and the next day he stops talking to me again.
So that's the end of Bert. It hurt so much every time but love makes you do unbelievable things. I just want to help him through his hard times and then maybe these things wouldn't happen but I just have to give up for myself. I have to take care of myself. He hurts me so much. It's like he makes me think I'm not good enough for him even though I know that's not true. Sigh, such is life.
The other thing I wanted to write about is getting close with my cousin. This cousin of mine, Michelle, has been a huge help in getting to where I am mentally. She truly is one of my best friends. We can talk about anything and even though she's older than me it doesn't matter. We support each other and she even said we're more like sisters. She gave me a ton of clothes when she was cleaning out her closet. I'm so lucky to have someone like her. She is a positive person in my life. It sucks because she lives two hours away but I can always count on her to let me crash at her place if I need to come to town. Mwwuah, love you Michelle.
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