*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or health professional of any kind. I’m sharing things that I have been taught that have helped me (or not). This is my experience.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Why can't I be that simple?

I'm sitting here next to my cat "Kitty" AKA "Chub B. Kins" who has her own chair.  On it is a heating pad and it's turned on right now.  Now the point of the chair and the heating bad is to prevent her from getting on my computer and she's close enough for me to pet.  But to the real issue, she is perfectly happy laying there on her heating pad.  It doesn't take fancy toys to entertain her.  Why can't my life be that simple?  Why can't I just turn on a heating pad and be perfectly happy?

Yes, I know I'm whining, and yes, I know that humans are more complex and have different needs.  I guess I just wish that something could pull me out of this depression, like my own little heating pad that would make me content with the way things are.  I guess I will have to accept the pills and the coping skills that I'm dealt.

I saw my psychiatrist today and he decided it was best to take me off of the nortriptyline which has been making me foggy to say the least.  I haven't been able to think straight or remember things.  I ask stupid questions and repeat things.  I have even sat there and wondered if this is how stupid people feel.  It's not a nice thing to say but there, I said it.  I left my purse in a cart outside the grocery store and didn't realize it until I got home.  Luckily a very kind person turned it in and nothing was missing (including cash).  I feel like my brain took a vacation.

My psychiatrist put me back on venlafaxine (Effexor) to replace the nortriptyline.  My neurologist is the one who put me on nortriptyline.  Because Effexor and nortriptyline are both antidepressants my psychiatrist just increased the dose my neurologist put me on to manage both depression and migraines.  Now I can't seem to get my neurologist to answer my calls to find out what he wants me to do for migraines.  It's frustrating.

With all this going on it would be nice to go see my family like I usually do each month but my finances simply won't allow it. My (27th) birthday is the first of February and I might be able to move things around and spend my birthday there with my family.  I don't want to feel tempted to over-drink and have a repeat of Halloween.  And I don't want to be sitting here at the computer.  Perhaps my dad and I will go out to dinner.  I don't know, I'm rambling.  I'll stop there.

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