*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or health professional of any kind. I’m sharing things that I have been taught that have helped me (or not). This is my experience.


Thursday, July 11, 2013


It has been an unbelievably long time since my last post.  I'm not going to even try to fill you in on everything that has happened.  Not only would I not remember it all, what I did remember would become a jumbled mess.

I will tell you about the mental health issues that I have been struggling with.  It's frustrating because things were going well for awhile.  I found myself being really sensitive to basically everything but I didn't really realize that I was slipping into depression until I just broke out sobbing in the shower.  I didn't even see it coming, it just came out.  I had been holding back tears lately for seemingly no reason but hadn't really thought anything of it.  But this, this doubled me over and the sobs that came out didn't even sound like me.  And I am the queen of all silent crying.  I perfected it as a child, even to the point where my breathing wouldn't even give it away.  Monty was even here while I was sobbing in the shower.  That told me there was definitely something wrong.

My depressing thoughts up to that point mostly circled around my (for lack of a better word) terrible childhood.  I kept questioning how someone could raise children that way and allow them to have that life.  Mother's and Father's days did not help.  And I still have those thoughts that normal people have, the ones where you think, "With my kid, I would..."  And then I have to remind myself that I never will.

I've been working with my psychiatrist to adjust my medication.  We increased my lithium, but it was too much.  Then I had to go a few days without the lithium and went into a mixed episode and organized everything in the house.  My anxiety was out of control so I'm taking some Klonopin for that now and we've increased my Effexor.  It's been almost a month now, though, and I am definitely completely out of my mixed episode and back into depression.  I'm going to call my psychiatrist tomorrow.

Not much else is going on.  I made a couple of Facebook groups.  There is one that is for "For Sale" groups in Iowa and the other is for "Free Stuff" groups in Iowa.  They are both organized by location of the group so people can find groups in their area.  I'm also now an admin for a group in my town.  It's frustrating sometimes because the other admins don't really help and the members don't like to follow the rules.  I just do the best I can.

I also scanned all of my family pictures into the computer.  I'm going to put them on a website like Photobucket or something so that they can be shared with all of my family.  I'm also looking for a good way to preserve the actual photographs but everything is so expensive.  So many were already ruined when my mom left them in her basement so I want to make sure that what's left doesn't get destroyed.

I wouldn't be so worried about money this month but I bought a computer chair because I've been having issues with my back and hips.  I've been seeing my chiropractor, which is helping, along with using heat and ice.  I'm just trying to make sure I don't go back to having bursitis in my hips.  Not being able to maneuver the stairs was pretty embarrassing at 25, not to mention you have to take the to stairs to get everywhere in our house.

I hope to post more often and I'm sorry it took me so long.  I hope all is well.

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