*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or health professional of any kind. I’m sharing things that I have been taught that have helped me (or not). This is my experience.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Depression is Affected by Pain

With the adjustment in my antipsychotic, I've had fewer and fewer psychotic symptoms.  My depression is slightly better than before.  My focus and motivation are still lacking and the hopelessness is really the only thing that has improved a little.

It's had to get past the hopelessness and I think a big part of it is that I don't have any plans for the future.  It's not that I don't want to make plans but even when I start to I usually stop myself.  Every time I make plans the end result is usually me in the hospital.  I get very depressed when  think I can do things and I can't.  The disappointment and guilt that comes with my failures usually spins me to a depression that I can't pull myself out of.  There's really so many things that I wish I could do, and I hope someday I will be able to do them.  I guess I am just so scared of the let down that it keeps me from trying to do all those things.

I've been having problems with my back and legs being in pain all day, getting worse at night.  I got the MRI of my lower back and it didn't show anything so I was told to just take my pain medication and it will resolve itself.  I got a massage, have been seeing the chiropractor weekly, have been using ice and heat, and the pain is just getting worse.  I went back to the doctor and he said that I couldn't take any heavier medication with the psych meds I'm on unless I am in a hospital.  The only thing he said he could do was send me to physical therapy.

The pain is really not helping the depression.  It's hard to have a good outlook if you are always in pain, especially when there doesn't seem to be a solution.  The physical therapist said there could be several problems but seemed surprised when the I told him the doctor had no diagnosis.  The physical therapist said there are some things we can do and I will be going there three times a week for six weeks.  That still doesn't give me a lot of hope with the pain still being there constantly.  I feel like there's nothing that's going to help.

The good thing about physical therapy three times a week is that I will not have a choice of isolating.  I tend to isolate as much as I can when I am depressed.  I don't have the motivation for showering and washing laundry so it's easier not to see anyone.  Not to mention it's just easier if I don't have to socialize, that way no one will know I am depressed.

I'm worried about having migraines though because I have to take extra medicine basically every day and I'm only supposed to take them twice a week.  I hate the injections I have to get when I get a migraine.  They make me feel exhausted for days and sometimes the first one doesn't work.


  1. That's strange with your migraines and overall pain. Is it like a mental/emotional pain causing this to manifest? I used to get chest pains from depression, but it would actually be felt and excruciating. When I feel hurt I sometimes still get the pain in my chest, or if someone insults me etc.

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  2. I really don't know what is causing it, and no one else seems to either. I haven't been feeling any deep sadness or emotional pain lately and the pain is constant. I go back to the doctor tomorrow.