Possibilities and Fear

I want to start out by thanking those of you who have "Liked" the blog's Facebook page as well as those of you who read this blog.  I know that some of you choose not to "Like" my Facebook page because it can make you feel vulnerable if you have a mental illness and it's not something you'd like to share.  I don't blame you because I felt the same way before I decided to go public with my illness.  For a long time my blog was written under a pen name because I was worried what people I knew would think if they read it.  No one should feel they have to share anything about their mental illness because it's nobody's business.  Anyway, on the Facebook page for this blog I put up inspiring quotes and links to sites that I think are good resources. Feel free to check it out:

https://www.facebook.com/MemoirsOfASchizoAffective

So I ended up calling my doctor to talk to him about his thoughts about what is going on.  His nurse suggested I just come in so I made an appointment.  When I saw him I felt guilty for taking up his time, but I also needed to ask him a lot of questions.  When I saw him last I was in so much pain I couldn't think about anything else.

He said that the blood tests all looked good except my CBC which he said was just a little messed up.  He said that I could stop going to physical therapy because I felt it was making things worse.  I explained to him my worries about MS and he said it is on the list of possibilities but it is rare so it is less likely.  He feels the most likely cause is one of my medications.  He said I may have to go into the hospital for a med wash depending on the results of the EMG.

I read up on the EMG test (which they have yet to call and schedule with me yet) and by some testimonials it is very painful.  They put a needle in each of your muscles and test the speed at which a shock goes through your nerves.  Some people that have had it said it's the worst pain they have ever been through, some said that it didn't hurt very bad at all.  As you can probably guess most of the people with a lot of pain during the test had more healthy nerves.

The prednisone is helping unbelievably with my pain.  My doctor said that it is a scary sign.  It's also making me sweat like crazy.  My hands and feet are on fire.  But with the way my back, legs, and my arm feel, I'd be willing to be sweaty for the rest of my life.  Of course I'm still having pain but I am managing it.  Unfortunately I think a migraine is coming on, and I can only take the prednisone for five days.  My doctor hopes it will have a lasting effect, but I am skeptical.

I did some research on all of my medications and it turns out that neuropathy is a very rare side effect of Wellbutrin XL, which I take every morning.  None of my other meds even hint at anyone having it as a side effect.  Maybe this is the answer.  I've only been taking it about six months.  I'm glad we might have the cause but I've tried so many antidepressants and this one seems to be working.  I don't know if I'll have to go in the hospital to change just this medication or not.

I've been looking into treatments for neuropathy and most of the information I've read says that it is rarely reversible. Acupuncture is one of the treatments people have found to work, but it is sooo expensive and most people said they needed several treatments for results.  There seems to be several options but none very effective across the board.

I can definitely say that I'm scared.  I'm scared there won't be anything they can do and that they won't even be able to figure out what's wrong.  I'm scared someone will have to take care of me sooner than I was expecting.  I'm scared because there's no one who can take care of me full time and that I might end up in a nursing home.

I guess I just have to wait and see what the future brings.