I decided to call my psychiatrist's office yesterday to see if he could see me earlier in the day next week. I run out of Wellbutrin the day before and I usually take it in the morning. I thought he might be changing the dose so I didn't want to get a refill on my meds until I talked to him, hence, an earlier appointment would be good. They didn't have any appointments available but his nurse said that the Latuda was causing the pain and to stop taking it. I said that was fine but I needed something to replace it. He said to just stop taking it and we'll talk about a replacement next week. I told the nurse I simply could not do that.
I made a bunch of phone calls trying to find out what could happen if I didn't stop taking it until next week. The pharmacist agreed with me not to stop taking it without a replacement. No one else would give me an answer. I went to my regular doctor and asked him to either give me a script for an antipsychotic I can take, put me in the hospital, or I'm going to keep taking it until I see the psychiatrist. He said to keep taking it. So, therefore, even though it is causing my widespread, neuropathic pain, I am going to keep taking it. I'm also going to find a new psychiatrist.
The last time I saw the psychiatrist I told him I was having psychotic symptoms and he increased my Latuda. I also told him about the problems with my back and legs and that they were doing tests. Who in their right mind tells a person who's having auditory hallucinations and paranoid delusions to just stop taking their antipsychotic for a week? When I've been without an antipsychotic or been between therapeutic levels before my hallucinations and delusions have gotten really bad, not to mention my brain just didn't function. I would say a sentence and in the middle of it the words stopped having meaning. I played a game and suddenly I forgot what I was doing and it didn't come back to me. I'm just supposed to willingly let this happen? I can't do that.
The fact that he wouldn't spend the 15 minutes to look at my chart so he could give me something else pisses me off almost as much as the fact that he wants me to just give up logical brain function. I understand that the neuropathy could become permanent but no one understands what kind of hell it is to lose your mind.
I'm going out of town for a few days with my dad for his mother's funeral. I'm not looking forward to how much pain I'm going to be in with the long car rides but I wouldn't miss Alice's funeral, even if I have to be in pain. I'm also not looking forward to all of the emotions flying around. I've never been very good dealing with other people's sadness, especially when they cry. I just don't know how to act, I guess.
I had to go shopping for a swim suit yesterday. It's not something I enjoy, that's for sure. It doesn't help that summer's practically over and there isn't much selection. Monty wants me to try getting in the hot tub at the hotel to help with the pain from the car ride there. I don't really know how much it's going to help, but he insisted I get something to wear. At this point I'm willing to try just about anything for the pain. I know it seems like a contradiction, that I don't want to stop taking the medication that is likely causing the pain, but anyone who has had a psychotic episode has got to understand.
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